Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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