that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
