does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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