i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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