i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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