y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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