I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize