I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
