Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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