why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
