so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
