I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
