remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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