i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So apparently I’m into choking now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
