i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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