So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
