my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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