on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
