i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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