I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
