So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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