what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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