Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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