Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
