My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
