I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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