Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
