My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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