I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
