On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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