i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
