last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
