i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
