Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
someone owes me an orgasm
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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