I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
