I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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