it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
