I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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