Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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