Sry I called you an 8
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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