Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
