god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
