I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
