WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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