After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
