i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
