My sheets look like a crime scene.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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