Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
