Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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