I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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