he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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