Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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