dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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