Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
