i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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