So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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